Boys and belles, I'm afraid that I have a confession to make. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you something that I have heretofore kept hidden deep within the dark recesses of my mind: I actually kinda like tacky.
Now, let me clarify that statement by telling you that I am not talking about tacky behavior. There never has been, never is and never will be an excuse to act common. Poor behavior will earn you a tanned hide from your mother and, if your mothers isn't available, I can assure you that mine will be more than willing to step in and wield the paddle.
No, what I am talking about is over the top, glorious displays that positively revel in their own tackiness. As a dear friend of mine once said after unexpectedly enjoying a NASCAR race at the Darlington Race Track: "Everyone has to cut loose and be a redneck once in a while."
I couldn't agree more and I practice that philosophy religiously. For starters, a mother of two girls has to have an appreciation for mountains of sequins, glitter and feathers and I think that we can all agree that those media are essential elements of tackiness.
I have also been to the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas and I enjoyed every minute of it.
What lengths will I employ to actually take in some tacky? Well--for starters--I broke into a trailer park once.
Right before Mom and I flew out to Los Angeles to visit my brother, I saw a show on the Travel Channel about million dollar mobile homes and there was a segment about Blue Skies Trailer Park located in Rancho Mirage, California.
Blue Skies Trailer Park was founded by Bing Crosby back in the day when Palm Springs was grooving in the 1950's. It is and was a very exclusive community and the trailers are...wait for it...THEMED! There is an Egyptian trailer with a Sphinx and pyramids, a mobile home based on a Japanese pagoda, one with a jungle theme, one with a Hollywood red carpet kind of thing going on and the list goes on and on.
Palm Springs runs right into Rancho Mirage and Mom and I were planning on taking a day trip out that way anyhow. I couldn't ignore that Fate had dropped an opportunity squarely into my lap, I mentioned the trailer park possibility to Mom and she was enthusiastically on board. (Hey, I had to get my love of tacky from somewhere, right?)
I called the joint ahead of time because we did have the foresight to think that such splendid wonder would be gated. I also found out that Blue Skies was prodominantly a retirement community, so I called the sales office and told them that I wanted to show my elderly mother around as a prospect.
When my ears stopped ringing and my eyes unblurred from the maternally instigated swat to the back of my head, I was able hear the lovely lady on the other end of the line give me their hours of operation.
So, we got out to Palm Springs--which is really cool, by the way--and we Mapquested our way out to the beautiful Blue Skies. We found it, pulled up...and were heartbroken. The office was closed and the security gate was firmly shut. (I don't know why, we were on time.) I felt like Dorothy finally arriving at the Emerald City only to be told that the Wizard wouldn't see her. We had come so far and we were so excited.
We sat out in the parking lot for a while as if staring hard enough would open the security gate or re-open the office. It didn't work.
Suddenly, a car pulled up and punched the pass code at the gate. The door swung open and it stayed open for a really long time. Fate appeared to be intervening again. Mom looked at me from the passenger seat and said "Go!" I went.
I regret to inform you that the Blue Skies Trailer Park was a little anti-climactic. Although, to be perfectly honest, we'd built it up so big in our heads that nothing based in reality stood a chance. Still, it was pretty cool and Mom really wanted to stay for the community cookout that was advertised on various fliers hanging around, but that would have bordered on the tacky behavior hereinabove set forth.
I also have to admit that it was a little difficult for me to enjoy the sights because I was too busy looking over my shoulder. I just knew that I was going to get busted for trailer park trespass. Great for a legal resume.
Additionally, the thought occurred to me that a gate that required a pass code to get in could potentially require a pass code to get out. They were going to find my body in Blue Skies Trailer Park and my ghost would be doomed to weave in and out between the trailers for all eternity.
Fortunately, we found the gate again and it opened indiscriminately to let us out. I'm still glad we did it if for no other reason than gaining the ability to stop party conversations by saying, "I broke into a trailer park with my Mom."